Layer Cake
A few weeks ago I was talking to a friend. She has been an out and about T-girl for some time. This was only my third time out and she was kindly showing me something of the Manchester village. She was also making me look extremely frumpy, as she is rather lovely. Her girl friend was even lovelier and I felt like a thorn between two roses a lot of the time. But I thoroughly enjoyed the night. Anyway she said something that got me thinking.
She, and a number of the other girls I met were not wearing a huge amount, obviously wig, make-up, boobs, nails and shoes and of course clothes (in my friends case a tiny top and a very short skirt) but nothing like the layers I had on.
If you don’t want your illusions dashed look away now, but I was wearing three pairs of tights, two flesh coloured opaque to hide the hair on my legs and a pair of fishnets, a gaff (see the trannysaurus if you need an explanation), a pair of magic knickers to flatten my stomach, a pair of padded panties to give me a bum and hips, boobs, a bra and of course a wig, make-up, shoes and clothes (which included sleeves to cover my arms). After a bit of dancing I was sweating like a cornered virgin. I can only imagine what it would be like if the weather had been like it has been through July.
What she said was that when she first came out, she wore a lot more than she did now, but as her confidence grew as she went out more and more so she was able to feel comfortable as her femme self with less and paraphernalia. At the moment for me it is akin to walking out naked, stepping out en-femme, even though I am wearing enough clothes to open a charity shop, it’s the feeling of vulnerability, self consciousness maybe even embarrassment. I don’t get out often, so I can only hope that one day I’ll have the poise and confidence exhibited by my friend.
posted by Kate Weston @ 1:06 am
6 comments
6 Comments:
Yeah, just the other day I was noticing that I don't wear anywhere near as much underneath as I used to. Having my own hair helps, as does a little bit of boobage, but yeah, the more you do it the more confident you become. And the less crap you feel you need to wear!
get rid of the hair!! unsightly, unhygenic, unecessary go buy 'Veet for Men', pretend it's a mid-life crisis or something but lose the body hair, theres plenty of male depilation products these days.
I'm very jealous - I wish I had the confidence you do.
I think its quite natural to feel self concious and vunerable when dressed in womens clothes. Heels, tight and revealing clothes? They're designed to make you feel vunerable and on show. And of course to add that pressure, theres also the minor detail that you're a man.
When I first started going out (also in Manc) all my clothes where black. And probably rather plain Jane too (I'm avoiding the word frumpy!). I didnt even realise until my girl friend saw my wardrobe of clothes one day and asked who'd died! That was my way of hiding, of trying to keep a low profile and of course all it did was attract attention to me.
As time goes on you start to feel more confortable with who you are, and you also discover what clothes suit you. You'll develop your own style, which again helps you feel more comfortable with yourself.
And the "walking out the door naked" thing? I don't think it ever gos away, all that changes is the threashold. Instead of it being triggered by walking through a hotel reception, it'll be something like getting on the tube.
Finally, I'm afraid Gillians right (again!). Loose the body hair if you possibly can. You'll be surprised how few people will
Emily - I tried going out with only my own hair on show but its too thin on top now. And I can only dream of boobage (er ... that might have come out a bit wrong)
Selina - it's not really confidence - its just that with only a few weeks a year when I can dress I have to make the most of it.
Karol - Isn't Gillian always right? Actually I have 'had a go' at my arms but the legs are a problem, my partner would almost certainly notice, as they are actually the only part of me that is genuinely hairy and it does get commented on from time to time. Most of my clothes ARE black but I have graduated to a few dark purples and blues. I have promised myself my next outfit will be white or red.
Thanks for all your comments.
The joy of being able to go out as a woman is that you don't have to wear boring colours.
I love having such a range of gorgeous, coloutful outfits to wear.
As for coverage I know how you feel. My fear is always that things might.err...slip and a lump will appear. But it's just a case of wearing the right underwear (boyshorts work well for me)
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